In an effort to dispel the widely held perception that gays are disliked or even discriminated against the armed forces, the military has embarked on a new public relations campaign this week intended to ease tensions and improve perceptions in the homosexual community.
"The United States Military is committed to protecting gays both at home and abroad." Said General Patreaus at Friday's press conference. "It's a known fact that Saddam was using chemical weapons against Kurdish trannies. That
was big part of our motivation in invading Iraq in the first place."
When confronted with the accusation that the long standing "don't ask don't tell" policy was discriminatory Patraeus was dismissive. "Gays are far too important to put at risk on the battlefield. We have always thought it best to send our uneducated rednecks and right wing nut jobs first. I doubt we will ever run out of idiots willing to die for corporate interest, but if we ever do we might be forced to reconsider our position on gays."
Vice President Dick Cheney who also spoke at the press conference strongly agreed. "The US government loves gays..." He said with a voice quivering with emotion. "We nothing against gays or gay sex. I for one enjoy dressing up in womens clothing from time to time and servicing strangers in public restrooms, but the thought of sending our precious gay men and women to die for an oil company is unbearable for me."
Post new comment